• SHOW MUST GO ON

    If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

  • RUNNING OF THE BULLDOGS

    Q: What kind of dog chases anything red? A: A Bulldog.

  • BEES IN THE RAIN

    Q: Can Bees fly in the rain? A: Not without their yellow jackets.

  • PRECISELY!

    Q. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? A. I don’t know and I don’t care.

  • BEAUTIFUL WORD

    The four most beautiful words in our common language: 
I told you so.

  • BAR SET HIGH

    A perfectionist walked into a bar…apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough.

  • BEAUTIFUL WORDS

    The four most beautiful words in our common language: 
I told you so.

  • FOOD FOR THOUGHT

    Q: What vegetables do librarians like? A: Quiet peas.

  • VEGAN INSULT

    Q: How did Native Americans say vegetarian? A: “Bad hunter!”

  • Coffee-break

    What do you call a sad coffee? Depresso

  • Hide & Seek

    Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

  • Breakdown

    What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.

  • Late Night Munchies

    If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?

  • A LAUGHING MOTORCYCLE

    What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha.

  • SUGAR-FREE

    Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet? A: A desserter.

  • BURNING CALORIES

    I get plenty of exercise – jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

  • Being Economical

    A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.

  • SHIPWRECK

    Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A. A nervous wreck.

  • SAD JOB

    Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? A: Because it was soda pressing.

  • KANGAROO BIRTHDAY

    What do you say to a kangaroo on its birthday? Hoppy Birthday!

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