• FOOD FOR THOUGHT

    Q: What vegetables do librarians like? A: Quiet peas

  • LIGHTENING DATES

    Q: Where do lightning bolts go on dates? A: To Cloud 9

  • AWARD-WINNING

    Q. Why did the scarecrow win an award? A. Because he was outstanding in his field.

  • GETTING SICK

    Q. How do you prevent a Summer cold? A. Catch it in the Winter!

  • TIME IS MONEY

    Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.

  • BALLOON MUSIC

    Q. What kind of music are balloons afraid of? A. Pop Music

  • LAZY

    You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

  • SUGAR-FREE

    Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet? A: A desserter.

  • GETTING SICK

    Q. How do you prevent a Summer cold? A. Catch it in the Winter!

  • THE GARNISH KING

    Q: What do you call the king of vegetables? A: Elvis Parsley.

  • THE GOOD TIMES

    The best thing about good old days is that we were neither good nor old.

  • PROBLEM

    The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.

  • VERY SLIPPERY

    Q. What’s a banana peel’s favorite type of shoe? A. Slippers!

  • RIGHT!

    The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

  • COLD CORNER

    Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold? A: It’s always 90 degrees.

  • POINT

    Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

  • Laughing stock

    Cattle with a sense of humour.

  • Isn’t it?

    Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”?

  • OOPs

    Q: Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? A: Because he was always spotted.

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